Evil Jordan pt. 2 - Mark

Hey folks, Evil Jordan (one of my ongoing collabs with punchhisnuts) is back with another tale of David vs Goliath. He's already managed to get rid of his sister's boyfriend by going for the balls in part one... let's see how he handles his annoying older brother 😏

***

It had been a long and uncomfortable few hours for 13 year old Jordan and his 18 year old brother Mark as they flew back home to Australia after visiting their older sister in the UK for a couple of weeks.

Their sister had moved to the UK for a fresh start after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend Will the previous year following an unsavoury incident at the family home. Mark had been out that night with some friends but couldn’t believe the crazy stories Will had tried to make up about Jordan attacking him, I mean as if his goody-two-shoes little brother was even capable of something like that. Mark had always liked Will and enjoyed having a guy’s guy around the house, someone to talk about footy with when Dad was out or get tips on looking after his car. It just went to show you never really knew a person…

 

Despite the fun they’d had travelling overseas without parental supervision for the first time, the two lads were excited to get back to enjoy the last of the summer holidays in Australia and were dressed appropriately in polyester football shorts. Mark covered his frame with a grey hoodie and was freeballing in his footy shorts after forgetting to do any washing before coming home.

 

Mark was super excited to get home, he’d just finished high school and was on a rugby scholarship to university next month. He was also keen to hook up with his casual fling as soon as he landed, it’d been a long couple of weeks without sex for the randy teen and the back-up in his babymakers was starting to get to him.

 

Mark and Jordan were among the only people in the cabin still awake with the lights dimmed and most passengers around them snoozed in airline-branded eye masks trying to get a little shuteye on the long journey. The cabin was set out in a 2-4-2 seating layout, and Mark and Jordan had managed to get two seats by themselves with Mark by the window and Jordan by the aisle.  

 

Mark had just finished watching a movie when he let out an obnoxiously loud yawn, startling his younger brother just as he’d been about to finally fall asleep. Jordan death stared his older bro, pissed off and irritated; Mark was always being loud to prove he was “alpha” or some shit.

Jordan sunk back into his seat, increasingly annoyed at Mark after spending so many hours stuck next to him in a confined space. A few minutes passed, Jordan was once again on the precipice of slipping off to sleep when he was abruptly nudged in the shoulder by his brother.

 

“Right lil bro, gotta piss” Mark said with a wink. Jordan groaned as he prepared to unbuckle his seatbelt to get up and let Mark out, but Mark had other plans. The 18 year-old leapt from his chair, catapulting himself across his little bro. Unfortunately for Jordan, Mark’s left foot went astray landing right on his groin.

 

“Oooooh!” squeaked Jordan “What the fuck man!? You just stood on my balls!” Jordan yelped as Mark stumbled off him, he shot his older brother an angry glare.

 

“Ooops sorry little bud” Mark chuckled ruffling his younger brother’s hair, “just an unfortunate little accident” he said cockily.

 

“Bullshit” Jordan spat back “You did that on purpose!”

 

“Yeah? What you gonna do about it?” Mark asked as he smirked, sauntering down the aisle to the bathroom leaving Jordan stewing and rubbing his sore nuts.

 

A couple of minutes later Mark returned, being met by a cold glare from his brother.

 

“Damn, sure was good to give my monster some breathing room” Mark joked crudely, “Scoot over bud” he said as he squeezed past Jordan back to his seat.

 

Jordan kept his right hand covering his nuts as his brother lifted his left leg up and over to climb past him. He carefully waited until Mark was in just the right position with each of his legs either side of Jordan to strike his left fist up and uppercut Mark right in his exposed crotch.

 

“Oooohhfftt… fuck!!” Mark yelped as he tumbled over, collapsing forcefully into his seat.

 

Jordan had hit him square in his sensitive lower-hanging right ball. Jordan had shared a room with his older bro his whole life and had seen him walking around naked plenty of times, so he knew exactly where to aim for maximum damage.

 

“Be quiet asshole, you’re gonna wake everyone up” Jordan whispered nastily, all the while enjoying the noises Mark was making and the pained look that washed over his handsome face.

 

“Fuck you…” Mark groaned through gritted teeth as he lifted his clenched left fist in the air. Before Jordan could react, Mark smashed his fist down into the mound in Jordan’s shorts. Jordan let out a gasp at the unexpected retaliation as his mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ shape.

 

“How do you like them apples?” Mark joked as both brothers massaged their battered nutsacks. Mark leaned back into his chair while exhaling softly. The older brother having made the mistake that this would be the end of hostilities.

 

Jordan on the other hand was far from relaxed, instead he found himself mightily pissed off. He couldn’t stand being sat next to his older brother, in fact he hated him. “What a jerk” Jordan thought “sitting there with that dumb look on his face.” He couldn't help but think Mark looked perpetually stupid, like he was stoned or something, but he wasn't... that was just how he looked. "and now he's scratching himself" Jordan kept thinking as Mark blatantly adjusted his balls "he's such a fucking ignoramus. I fucking hate him."

 

Jordan clenched his eyes tightly, his face scrunched up in agony as another wave of pain washed over him from the blow to his teenaged balls. Jordan was sick and tired of his cocky older brother deciding unilaterally when fights were over, especially ones that he started. He eyed Mark menacingly.

 

Moving with lightning speed, Jordan quickly flicked his older bro in the eye, a carefully crafted move to distract him. As Mark was busy spluttering “ow dude, what the hell? You little shit that fucking hurt!” Jordan had already raised his fist into the air and in one fell swoop sent it crashing down between Mark’s legs, again aiming for rightie.

 

Jordan smiled gleefuly as he felt Mark’s body shudder at the sudden impact, but this time he didn’t stop, opting to sink his fist as far into the meaty orb as possible until it was pressed deep into the seat. Then to add salt to the wound, Jordan began to make short, sharp calculated twists of his wrist to really grind down on Mark’s right ball.

 

"AH FUCK!" Mark started to stammer in a panic, squirming in his seat as his more sensitive ball got flattened.

"DUDE! STOP!" He cried, his deep voice becoming hoarse, and his eyes started to dart back and forth between his psychotic little brother and his pain-ravaged crotch.

 

"Not until you promise to quit it! Stop hitting my nuts bro!" Jordan retorted.

"Ok! Ok! I promise Jesus! Just... ooohh.... just..... arrgghhhh.... stop!!!" Mark pleaded pitifully.

 

Jordan slowly removed his fist, smirking as he felt his brother’s ball unflatten and return to its usual size.

As the blood flowed back into his right nut, Mark slumped back into his seat lowering his baseball cap to cover his face and the shame of the pain his nerdy little bro had caused him.

 

"Leave me alone, ok? Or you're gonna regret it" Jordan warned, a little surprised at himself for threatening his stronger, older brother but nonetheless proud of himself. Mark merely groaned before slurring “whatever dude” as he fought back tears underneath his baseball cap and placed his left hand loosely over his junk so it could gently massage his battered pride.

 

With his spare hand, Mark grabbed his pillow and lay it on top of his crotch to fend off any further attacks. The 18 year old stud clenched his teary eyes closed and tried to drift off to sleep…

 

About and hour later, Mark awoke. As he slept, all he could dream of was running commentary from his rugby coach. He worshipped his coach; he had invested so heavily in Mark and Mark seriously thought of him as basically just a second Dad.

 

His coach always told him at practice “There’s no such thing as 2^nd place Mark, you’re either a winner or a loser.” For some reason, that was really getting to him right now. He was getting irate, angry even.

 

How dare his 13 year old little brother challenge him like that? Mark had taught him everything he knows, well the important stuff anyway – how to catch a football, how to talk to girls, he even gave the little twerp tips on how to jerk off without getting caught – and now here he was fucking threatening him.

 

That was absolutely ridiculous Mark thought. He was a rugby stud, he was on a scholarship, he was the fucking man of the house after Dad, and he was now legally an adult. His younger barely pubescent bro had absolutely no right to get away with behaving like this to him; so what if Mark had started it? He was the big bro, that was his prerogative.

 

“I’m gonna make him fuckin’ pay” Mark concluded. He glanced over at Jordan, his eyes glaring furiously.

 

Jordan meanwhile hadn’t been able to get to sleep and heard his older brother shifting in his seat. While Mark was certainly the more physically developed of the two brothers with his taught muscles and his broad shoulders, he was far from the more intelligent and despite his best-efforts Jordan knew him to be emotionally driven and illogical at times. Even though he’d already busted Mark into submission, he knew deep down that his macho-man brother wouldn’t be able to let this lie, he’d have to try and win.

Jordan held his breath as he waited for Mark to make his move.

 

Glaring down at his younger brother Mark decided to repeat his previously tried-and-tested technique of sending his fist slamming down into Jordan’s balls, all the while keeping his other hand over his own crotch in a protective move against any further retaliation. Only this time, he was so worked up by his injured pride that he did so way, way too hard, exerting enough force to cause his younger brother some serious pain.

 

“Fuck yeah!” Mark thought to himself, “that’ll show the little prick!”

 

Jordan meanwhile had lurched forward almost smacking his head into the back of the seat in front. He started coughing and dry heaving at the force of Mark’s blow to his balls. Mark had a brief moment of regret as he looked at how visibly hurt Jordan was, and was about to start blubbering out an apology for taking it too far but it was already too late.

 

Enraged with pain, the decision was made for Jordan. In a stealth like move he suddenly reached over and grabbed the hand Mark had covering his junk. He looked straight into Mark’s eyes and smiled as he began to squeeze, forcing Mark’s hand to clench.

 

Mark gulped as his hand suddenly met the resistance of his balls. “Oooof… what the fuck?” he spluttered.

 

Grinning wickedly, Jordan began to twist and yank Mark’s hand, forcing him to bust his own balls. Mark tried using his spare hand to pull off Jordan’s hand, but it was no use against Jordan's expert grip.

“Ah… Fuckkk… Stop” the older bro was muttering between sad, coarse groans. He tried desperately to flex his arm muscles all the way down to his hand to free himself but for some reason his muscles couldn’t force movement beyond the wrist. Unfortunately for Mark, Jordan had actually paid attention in his introductory human biology unit in science class, and knew exactly where to find a pressure point that was now pinning his older brother’s clenched hand in place.

 

"Oooh... you little shit... you're gonna regret this..." Mark spat as he felt his balls getting more and more compressed as his hand got closer and closer to forming a fist. By this point his arse was squirming and his hips were bucking in the seat. Jordan looked on content in the knowledge that no matter how much he tried, Mark wasn’t gonna be able to free his hand.

 

Jordan was having flashbacks to when his older brother used to physically dominate their relationship by throwing his weight around. The anger surged within him as he remembered all the times Mark had grabbed Jordan’s arms and made him hit himself during a fight. Jordan was gleeful as he watched Mark now being the one to squirm as he forced his big bro to squeeze his own nuts.

 

Sensing the opportunity to build on his schadenfreude, Jordan leaned in closely and menacingly whispered "Stop squeezing yourself! Stop squeezing yourself!" into Mark’s ear.

 

Mark glared back at him angrily as he let out a cough followed by a muffled groan "stoppp.... you... unnghhh.... little.... fuckker... oooh!" All the while sweat was dripping from his forehead.

 

The squeezing power struggle continued for another couple of minutes, before Mark really began to panic. He gulped once more as he inexplicably felt his cock starting to stir in the crotch of his shorts. The pain meanwhile grew more and more intense, and Mark threw his head back and let out a loud yell of agony the interrupted a couple of nearby passengers from their sleep.

 

Seeing his pillow lying next to him, Jordan decided to take quick action and used his spare hand to shove the pillow right into Mark’s gaping mouth before he could alert anyone to the situation. Looking back down at Mark’s crotch, Jordan laughed with surprise as Mark’s face turned beet red.

Jordan had heard Mark's "late night workouts" enough times from the other side of their room to know what was about to happen, and wasn’t about to listen to his older brother’s frantic, muffled protests as he screamed into the pillow while his now rock-hard dick began bobbing about wildly against the thin fabric of his shorts.

 

“MMMMGGGHHNNNGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” Mark tried to yell, only to have Jordan push the pillow further into his mouth. Jordan knew it wouldn’t be long now, he could sense Mark’s body was getting hotter and saw that his chest was beginning to heave. His legs started shaking wildly in his seat and he began rapidly blinking in a panic.

 

Things were getting dire for Mark. The pain emanating from his crotch was excruciating, he was being utterly owned by a kid five years his junior, and to top it all off he was suddenly starting to feel a familiar yet deeply unwelcome sensation.

 

Jordan gave his older bro a devilish wink as he noticed Mark’s balls were starting to tug upwards and his breathing was becoming shorter.

 

“ohhh fuckkk...” Mark thought to himself. Then…

 

*SPLAT*

 

All of a sudden, the front of the 18 year old’s footy shorts were sprayed with a gooey substance from within and were left sticky and white. Mark glanced down at his slowly collapsing tent and let out a soft whimper as he turned to look into Jordan’s eyes, genuinely afraid for the first time in his young, cocky life.

 

Jordan held a steady glare back at Mark with a mixture of satisfaction, newfound power, and pity. After all these years, Jordan had a confident feeling Mark wouldn't be the boss of the bedroom anymore.

 

As he removed the pillow from Mark’s mouth, Jordan leaned in to whisper "if you ever fuck with me again, then that will have been the last time you ever cum" as he pushed the stricken hunk back in his seat.

 

All Mark could do was stare down in disbelief at his sticky crotch, totally unsure of what to do with himself.

 

A couple of seconds later the cabin lights came on as the crew readied to commence the breakfast service before landing. Just as Mark reached down to touch his sticky shorts, as if to visually confirm that he did indeed bust a nut because his little bro made him squeeze his own nards so hard a flight attendant walked by.

"Oh my God" they gasped, horrified at what they were seeing. They turned to Jordan with a deep expression of concern, "excuse me young man, has this gentleman here bothered you?"

 

"We're broth-" Mark tried to say only to be cut off by Jordan.

"He's just exposed himself and he has been masturbating all night"

 

"What.... you little shit how dare you try and...." Mark started to raise his voice in fury.

 

"Excuse me sir, there is no need for you to talk right now" the flight attendant snapped back at him.

 

"Sir, what age are you?" the flight attendant asked Jordan.

"13"

The flight attendant glared at Mark in absolute disgust.

 

"Ok... I'll tell you what, we're going to find a spare seat for you up the front in first class to keep you safe" they said to Jordan.

"As for you" they continued staring down at Mark "I'll get you some napkins to clean up, but exposing yourself on an aircraft in front of a minor is an extremely serious offence. Prepare to be met by police upon landing."

 

"But.... but..." Mark tried to stammer, but it was no use. The flight attendant was already walking off directing Jordan away from him as his evil younger brother just smirked back wickedly.

 

Mark sat back in his chair, eyes wide open with panic as he suddenly thought “It's just that kind of incident that's going to cost me my rugby scholarship”. He gulped as the plane began its descent…

 

***

The incident on the plane ended up totally upending Mark’s plans for summer. Instead of going home to bang his fling senseless, he found himself immediately packing his things to vacate his shared bedroom after his parents refused to have him live under the same roof for Jordan’s safety.

Stripped of his rugby scholarship and without the grades to otherwise get into uni, he was forced to take a bricklaying apprenticeship that paid so little he was forced to live out of his car. Yep, Jordan was pretty pleased with his handiwork.

Just by targeting their balls he’d caused his sister’s ex-boyfriend to get dumped, and now he’d managed to make his douchey older brother homeless forced to split his time between searing hot construction sites and a 1998 Commodore with no air conditioning and in the process, he no longer had to share a room! Frankly he couldn’t wait to see what he could make happen next.

Mike's Kitchen Nightmare

 

Hey dudes, here's a little slapstick story featuring some of the characters from the Sports Centre Alone series during their time in prison. Hope you enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------

Mike, Aaron and Brad were halfway through their twelve month sentences for destruction of public property and what the judge had described as a “cruel and unusual” attempted food contamination after the three had been caught with their genitals buried in cafeteria food.

Unfortunately for the lads, their bizarre and incoherent ramblings about some mysterious younger high-school kids who had lured them into a series of nut-crunching traps had wrung hollow with both the judge and the jury; and with no trace of these so-called kids found on the site afterwards with Dylan having carefully erased the CCTV footage of the evening, not even the lads’ lawyer truthfully believed their innocence, so had done a pretty half-assed job defending them.

The jury had taken no time at all in reaching a unanimous guilty verdict, and the judge had no qualms about handing them a harsher than typical punishment for this kind of crime after having wasted so much of the court’s time with their idiotic and clearly made-up stories.

The case had brought a great deal of unwelcome media attention to Brad and Mike’s college, and the two had quickly found themselves expelled; Aaron too lost his coveted soccer scholarship that he had been due to commence after the summer.

To make matters worse, the boys’ cocks and balls had all been so massively damaged throughout the night that they had to be wrapped up in thick layers to assist the healing process – Mike hadn't seen his proud member in months and had been forced to suffer through repeated humiliating and painful medical examinations of them to monitor the progress he was making.

Fortunately for Mike, he had been healing at a faster rate than either Brad or Aaron, much to their chagrin, and had finally been allowed to have his junk removed from their bandage and gauze tomb earlier that day.

Mike had loved the feeling of the hot water running over his naked cock and balls for the first time in months in the showers that morning and had to work very hard not to pop a boner surrounded by the other inmates. Fuck though, tonight he was definitely gonna take Mike Junior for a test drive no matter how much Brad (now his cellmate) might protest. And he’d be sure to rub it into Aaron when they next saw him in the prison yard.

Yeah, Brad would sit their grim-faced and miserable as Mike worked his magic on the top bunk that night. Brad might have been the king of the jungle in college, but here in jail his prized dick was locked up in some kind of thick plastic tube owing to the particularly extreme damage his member had suffered. In another world he might feel sorry enough for his buddy not to torment him with a lengthy self-pleasure fest from within the very same cell, but Mike needed this. A quick sneaky jerk off in some kind of semi-discreet location away from the prying eyes of the guards just wasn’t gonna cut it; he needed a good long period of time to lay back, close his eyes and think of all the sexy college chicks his dick had been missing so badly. Yeah, he was Mike the Man, and tonight he was gonna prove it once again.

All he had to get through first was his shift in the prison’s mice-infested cafeteria. Mike had decided to make the most of his time in prison and pick up a new skill; everyone always needed a cook he figured, and despite the PTSD he regularly experienced from spying all the mousetraps left around the kitchen as part of the prison’s pest extermination program, he did find it genuinely rewarding – better than being cooped up in his cell all day like moody Brad who only ever left to shower, eat and lift weights.

Mike’s shift was going reasonably well as they started to prepare for the big daily lunch service. He had an incredibly energised feeling that came from finally feeling liberated below the waist.

Unfortunately however, after months of being denied sexual pleasure, Mike’s prick was a great deal more sensitive than usual. While he was carrying a heavy bag of flour over his shoulder, the mere sensation of his dick rubbing against the fabric of his underwear was enough to send it throbbing skywards as the stricken lad experienced his first hard-on since the incident at the sports centre.

Mike gulped at the embarrassing predicament he found himself in and was conscious that a couple of other inmates had already spotted his boner and were snickering about it to each other. Mike picked up the pace determined to get to his station on the other end of the kitchen before anyone else noticed.

Fate had other plans though, as one of the other prisoners had already snuck up behind him and yelled “Hey everybody! Mike’s got a boner!” before suddenly yanking Mike’s already-loose fitting bright orange pants down around his ankles causing a wave of laughter to erupt as Mike’s bouncing hard dick became more clearly visible through the fabric of his prison issued boxers.

The laughter continued as the force of Mike’s forward motion, the weight of the heavy bag of flour and the sudden obstacle that was his pants becoming entangled around his ankles all interacted to send the stricken lad stumbling forward smashing his pretty face into a frying pan hanging on a hook from the ceiling.

As he stumbled, dazed from the blow, he attempted to grab onto the countertop for balance but merely succeeded in knocking a toaster onto the floor as he fell. A sickening crunch echoed around the room followed by a groan as the bunched up front of Mike’s baggy crotch made direct impact with the toaster.

Worse, as Mike floundered in a desperate attempt to stand back up, he realised to his horror that his two precious balls had become jammed in one of the toaster’s slots. In a blind panic he leapt to his feet kicking off his pants and began tugging furiously at the jammed toaster.

“Aw hell naw dog, who tries to cook meatballs in a toaster” one of the other inmates hollered to the rowdy approval of the crowd.

Mike pulled and pulled at the jammed contraption as it yanked his nards further and further away from his body, his eyes desperately scanning the room for assistance, only to find everyone else laughing hysterically at his misfortune, a couple of other prisoners clutching their own ballbags in sympathy.

He began to wildly smash the toaster against the countertop, screaming louder and louder as with every yank and tug the pain from his nuts grew worse and worse. Eventually, after an almighty adrenaline rush, he finally managed to pull the toaster off of his bollocks with one massive yank, the force of which ripped his boxers clean off.

The toaster went firing into the crowd, smacking the fellow prisoner who had initially pantsed Mike square in the balls with a grim “CRUNCH”… the red-faced prankster was immediately sent plummeting to the floor coughing and spluttering – not that anyone noticed, all eyes were still on unfortunate Mike as the calamity continued.

Mike had been sent tumbling backwards by the sudden force and had fallen onto the stovetop behind him. A loud sizzle caused a series of grimaced looks to appear on the faces of the other inmates as the red-hot stove rings branded Mike’s naked ass.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Mike screamed at the top of his lungs, leaping off of the stovetop only to immediately be knocked off balance and land ass-fist on the floor, the momentum of his leap sending him sliding across the tiled surface until his feet slammed into the oven directly opposite.

The sudden collision sent a violent vibration through the oven, causing the pot of boiling water which had been sitting on top of it on the stove to come falling off. Mike watched in horror as the full-to-the-brim pot flipped over the edge of the stove and deposited its contents directly onto his naked lap before the edge of the pot itself slammed straight into the tip of his scorched dick.

 

***

“37… 38… 39…” Brad counted as he exhaled working on his biceps with a dumbbell in the exercise yard when he suddenly heard the loudest girl’s scream he’d ever heard in his life.

“When did they start letting chicks into this prison?” Brad muttered to himself “Ah fuck, I lost count… stupid bitch… 1… 2…”

***

 

Mike practically jumped out of his skin as he leapt to his feet, rushing towards a sink desperate for cold water but in his haste, he ran straight into the pool of water on the floor, slipping up and careening through the door of the nearby supply closet.

During a brief microsecond between fall and impact, Mike’s eyes bulged as he saw the open box lying in the middle of the supply closet floor. “Fuck…” he muttered before

*BOOM* *SMACK* *CLICK*

*BOOM* *SMACK* *CLICK*

*BOOM* *SMACK* *CLICK*

*BOOM* *SMACK* *CLICK*

*BOOM* *SMACK* *CLICK*

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

Mike screamed as he landed crotch first into a box of mousetraps. He let out a final deep, defeated groan before mercilessly passing out from the excruciating pain. The other prisoners quickly alerted the prison infirmary, and he was rushed off to get urgent medical attention for the seven mousetraps that had attached themselves to his thighs, cock and balls.

 

***

That night in the cell as Brad did push-ups on the floor, Mike laid awake with jealousy, as he had most other nights whenever he could hear the faint sound of some other prisoner clearly jacking off in a nearby cell.

“That should be me right now” he muttered to himself pitifully while staring at his rebandaged and re-gauzed junk.

He stared up at the ceiling.

“I’m gonna fucking kill those kids.” Mike spat through gritted teeth.

Brad paused his push-ups for a second and looked up at Mike.

“Nah bro, we’re gonna kill them.”

They both smiled wickedly.

Evil Jordan pt. 1 - Will

This story is another collab with my good mate punchhisnuts, and is based on a recreation of a bust from the movie Baby Geniuses, albeit featuring a very different protagonist and antagonist.

25 year-old tradie Will sat sweating in the summer’s heat as he took a sip from his fourth beer can of the night. It had been a long day at work in the blistering Australian sun, and he had been looking forward to a comfortable night in with his girlfriend and (if she let him) hopefully catch the Friday night football game.

 

Will had been so focused on the end of his long workweek that it had totally slipped his mind that his girlfriend and her mother were heading out to see a musical that night in the city and that he would actually be spending the night babysitting his girlfriend’s 12-year-old brother Jordan.

 

Although at first disappointed by this reminder when he had walked in the door and spotted the kid sitting in the living room, the night had actually turned out alright so far for Will. He and Jordan had ordered pizza in, he’d been able to crack open the box of beers he’d had sitting in the fridge, and with no girlfriend to protest he’d have no trouble watching the game instead of whatever romcom was playing on the other channel.

 

Yeah, he’d landed a pretty sweet deal when he thought about it; and the fact he now didn’t have to take his girlfriend to a musical? Score!  Will was enjoying the opportunity to get to bond with the little guy anyway. I mean at 12 years of age Jordan was still in that perfect age range where he still had to do whatever Will said (beer refill anyone?), but was old enough that he didn’t need to be observed religiously for fear of going missing or choking on something lying about the house. ‘Yep’ Will thought to himself, ‘this is gonna be one low maintenance night’, he chuckled as he took another swig of his beer and half paid attention to the episode of Family Guy Jordan was watching on TV.

 

Across the living room, Jordan glared at the oaf of a dude her sister was dating. Sitting there on the couch in his singlet and footy shorts, clearly sweating all over the place despite setting up the room’s only fan so that it blew almost exclusively in his direction. Jordan could never quite work out young adult men – especially the ones his sister dated. They were always just so, well he didn’t really know how to describe it but they were always just very…

 

Will leaned back into the sofa and not-so-subtly adjusted his crotch before letting out an unnecessarily loud belch.

 

… gross. They were just such dudes, such bros, such fucking arseholes. Not that Jordan thought any of them every really meant to piss him off so much. They were all easygoing blokes really, just honest men who liked to work hard, drink beer, watch football and presumably have sex with his sister.

 

And to be honest, Jordan didn’t really mind them in small doses. They’d often share a laugh, watch TV together, and sometimes he’d even learn a thing or two from them, and then usually after a while his sister would get bored and move on, or if really necessary he’d figure out a way to get rid of them… and the voila! No more bland, bro-ish guy hanging around nearly 24/7.

 

The problem with Will was that he just wouldn’t leave. Most of his sister’s other boyfriends had been lucky to make it a couple of months, but this guy had now been seeing her for years. And to make matters worse, he was probably the most insufferable of all the dudes his sister had ever dated. The way he would always make Jordan fetch him a beer from the fridge, the way he’d aggressively ruffle his hair, the way he’d so fervently call him “buddy”; oh, that made Jordan’s blood boil – he wasn’t Will’s fricking buddy!

 

Will tossed his empty beer can to the side of the couch and looked over at Jordan expectantly. “Hey bud, beer o’clock” he winked. Jordan groaned.

“Oh come on mate, don’t give me that. When you’re my age you’ll find your own 12 year-old to get beers for you. That’s just the circle of life” Will said.

“Ugh, fine” said Jordan getting up from his chair. “Can I at least have another Coke?”

“Nah, you heard your big sis, bro. Only one Coke with dinner.”

“So let me get this straight, you get to have as many beers as you want but I’m stuck with one measly glass of Coke all night.” Jordan shot back

Will shrugged and raised his arms “Them’s the rules”

Jordan huffed miserably and hauled himself off to the kitchen to fetch Will another beer can. What a dickbag he was, seriously, who was he to be ordering Jordan around like this anyway?

 

As Jordan grabbed the can out of the fridge he suddenly had a devilish idea. He grasped the can as hard as he could and he shook it violently for as long as he thought he could get away with before Will would notice anything was up. He slipped back into the living room and passed Will his beverage.

 

“Thanks bud” said Will as he cracked open his drink. Jordan stood back in anticipation and was not disappointed as his 25-year-old nemesis was soaked in an explosive, frothy spray of beer. Jordan stood there laughing his ass off. “Ah fuck!” Will spat, wiping beer out of his eyes.

“You little shit! You think that’s funny?” Will yelled angrily as he stood up huffing, peeling his singlet off and wringing it out into a nearby pot plant.

 

“I’m sorry, it was totally an accident. Maybe you should get your own beer next time.” Jordan clapped back, innocently smiling as Will glared at him.

 

“Yeah whatever, point made bud.” Responded Will, tossing his damp singlet to the ground and slopping back down on the couch, shirtless and pissed off.

 

Jordan observed him for a second, he wasn’t a bad looking guy; clearly all the work on the building site and at the gym was paying off for him. He had decent pecs, no abs but a firm and flat stomach, decent arms too. Frankly, he was a good deal more attractive than most of his sister’s other boyfriends which might explain why she was still with him.

 

If Jordan was going to get him out of the way, he needed something a bit more extreme than his usual antics. This guy wasn’t going to go just because his sister’s little brother was annoying him; nah, he was in way too deep to break the relationship off over something that trivial. Jordan was going to have to think bigger. Luckily for him though, he had a near encyclopedic knowledge of kids’ film and television – it had played a huge role in his life growing up, and he always loved how they could come up with a seemingly endless list of scenarios that would serve as the great equaliser between powerless kids and the bad guys, especially douchey boyfriends.

 

He thought through all the films he could think of. Home Alone? Too elaborate. Monster House? Too supernatural. K-911? Eh.. he didn’t have a dog hanging around.

Jordan was looking around the room for inspiration when his eyes landed on a partially covered copy of Chillfactor, a skiing magazine Will and Jordan’s sister had brought back from their ski trip last winter.

 

Jordan remembered how much of a deal Will had made about that trip, how he’d bought all the expensive gear for the both of them instead of just hiring it… in fact, Jordan was pretty sure his sister’s skis were still sitting in her closet upstairs; and that’s when he recalled his favourite scene from the movie Baby Geniuses. Jordan’s eyes lit up and he carefully plotted through each step of his plan in intricate detail all the while studying the movements of his sister’s sulky boyfriend whose eyes were glued to the TV screen as the Friday night football game started.

 

Jordan noticed how there was no waistband protruding from Will’s footy shorts, a sign the hapless tradie was freeballing after a long day working in the heat. His shorts were also clearly very old from all the stains, clearly something he’d been hanging onto since he was a teenager, suggesting that the fabric mustn’t be too resilient. Jordan smiled wickedly as he decided to put his plan into action.

“Hey, look Will, I’m really sorry about that prank. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll fetch you another beer if you promise not to tell my sister and my mum.” Jordan offered, a pleading look in his eyes.

 

Will sighed and appeared to contemplate the offer. “Ah okay, no hard feelings mate” he replied, offering a genuine smile at Jordan’s unexpected show of contrition. Jordan hopped up quickly and dashed for the kitchen.

“Thanks buddy” Will said gratefully as he reached out to ruffle Jordan’s hair in what Will had always thought was a show of brotherly love for the young guy.

 

“Ah, he’s a good kid” Will muttered to himself as he scratched his chest, the kick-off happening on screen. He was totally unaware that the triple whammy of calling Jordan ‘buddy’, ruffling his hair, and having him fetch a beer had all just sealed his fate.

 

Once in the kitchen, Jordan went straight to work, at first going not for the fridge but the junk drawer where he retrieved a tube of superglue. Aided by the darkness in the living room, the overwhelming volume Will had set the TV to for the footy, Will’s general drunken demeanour, and Will’s overly-wide manspread on the couch, Jordan was able to execute the first stage of his plan flawlessly.

 

He crawled across the living room until he was right at Will’s feet and peered up over the couch. Gingerly, he crept closer until he could reach his hand over the edge of the couch and ever so gently squirted some of the glue onto the spot where the crotch of Will’s shorts met the couch.

 

Without even the slightest reaction from Will, Jordan crawled back out of the room undetected. He then ran upstairs and fetched one his sister’s skis from her closet laying it out on the stairs, he also grabbed a stuffed teddy and kept it lying by the banister. He then sprinted back downstairs and finished off his plan by emptying half a can of beer down the sink before replacing it with milk that was a good couple of days past its use by.

 

“Aw fuck off ref, are you blind!?” Will yelled at the screen clearly disgruntled. Jordan entered the living room, “here you go, I even cracked it open for you” he said with a smile as he passed Will the drink.

 

“Ah thanks buddy” Will mumbled, his eyes fixated on the game. Jordan took a step back towards the doorway in anticipation as he watched Will slowly raise the can to his lips.

Jordan started a countdown in his head “3… 2… 1…”

 

PFFFFFTTTPPPFFF!!! “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

 

Will spat the drink out, dropping the can to the floor and turning to face Jordan with disgusted rage. “You’re fucking dead kid!” He yelled as he leapt off of the lounge.

 

*RRIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP*

 

Just as Jordan had intended, Will’s old, baggy shorts ripped at the crotch as the force of his jump tore the fabric clean off leaving it still glued to the couch. His big, meaty balls flopping out of the hole and dangling perfectly.

 

“You can’t catch me!” Jordan yelled goading on Will as he disappeared out of the room and up the stairs. Will stared down at his crotch in a bewildered mix of bafflement and confusion, but only had a brief second to process what had happened before he had to run off to catch the little pervert.

 

“YOU LITTLE SHIT!” He screamed, racing towards the stairs ready to knock this bratty kid down a peg. When Will got to the bottom of the stairs he scoffed at what he saw.

 

“Come and get me!” Jordan yelled from the top, Will having spotted the obvious trap ski that had been laid out.

 

Will let out an audible chuckle as he menacingly began to make his way up the stairs, one step at a time towards Jordan who stood smiling with one hand behind his back.

 

“Did your sister ever tell you that I’m a black belt kid?” Will began to muse “Do you really wanna try me?”

 

Despite his menacing tone, Jordan noticed that Will was swaying ever so slightly with each step; a clear sign that his alcohol consumption was starting to catch up with him. He just kept smiling quietly as he waited for Will to get to the right step on the stairs.

 

“So, I guess you expect me to what… just wander over this ski up here and then you’ll jump on that end and it’ll bounce up and hit me in the gonads, and then I’ll scream and make a funny face and fall down the stairs?” Will asked aloud, smirking at the stupidity of this all.

 

Jordan kept on smiling away enjoying the drunken oaf’s increasing arrogance and eyeing the bottom of his jiggling balls through the gaping hole in his shorts.

 

“Well bud, I gotta tell you, I think you’ve been watching too many bad movies” Will continued as he reached the step where the curved end of the ski was placed. “Cause I’m just gonna go around the ski” Will took a side step so that both of his feet were placed on the right side of the ski.

 

He stopped for a moment to smirk and looked Jordan in the eye. “Just how…” he paused drunkenly, then let out a deep beer-induced burp… “Just how stupid do you think I am?”

 

Jordan merely grinned back at his sister’s menacing boyfriend before throwing the harmless stuffed toy he had been holding behind his back directly at Will.

 

Will, being too drunk to process whether the object being hurled at him was threatening or not quickly hopped out of the way, inadvertently stepping his left foot onto the other side of the ski.

 

He looked up to see a gleeful looking Jordan smiling back at him “pretty stupid!” the younger kid laughed before jumping down on the opposite end of the ski.

 

Will blinked and looked down but it was too late…

 

*SMACK*

 

The pointed end of the ski shot up with incredible velocity, entered the hole in the bottom of Will’s shorts and painfully crashed into his dangling nuts. Will’s abdomen scrunched up and he hunched over, knees buckling as his mind began to process the pain radiating from his groin.

 

Before he could fully react, Jordan again jumped forcefully on his end of the ski.

 

*SMACK!!*

 

Will’s eyes crossed inwards and his mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ shape as he slowly let out a series of strained, deep, guttural groans causing Jordan to laugh, openly mocking the owned male.

 

Sweat dripped off of Will’s nose and his eyes started to glass over when his legs finally gave way sending the stricken lad tumbling back down the stairs, crash landing in a heap at the bottom.

 

Jordan slowly put away the ski before making his way down the stairs, observing Will as he buried his hand in his crotch and let out a series of high pitched half-sobs half-groans, his eyes watering and his face turning beet red. He loved the way Will’s strong manly arms and his powerful male chest were flexing and heaving as his muscular legs squirmed and twitched; even though he was a fully grown male in his prime, it was clear that he had been completely defeated by a mere child.

 

Jordan struggled to contain his laughter as Will let out a defeated squeak as another wave of pain washed over him and his stomach started to scrunch up. Jordan was proud to see the balls Will was so desperately cupping in his hands were red and swollen… “dumb asshole” Jordan thought to himself aloud.

 

“You won’t be ordering me around for a long time” Jordan winked as he approached the crippled man before him on the floor. “Will you Will?”

 

Will looked back at him, scared and in tremendous pain. “You… you stay away from me!” he squeaked back.

 

“Or what Will? You gonna run off crying to my sister? Tell her that you got beat up by her 12 year old brother? I don’t think so…”

 

Will gulped.

 

Jordan reached out and ruffled Will’s short hair as best as he could “thanks for babysitting me tonight bro” he joked, and turned as if to walk off.

 

Halfway to the door of the living room, Jordan turned on his heels unable to resist one final punt.

 

“Hey Will, seeing as you like football so much…” Jordan trailed off, eyeing the bulging sack in Will’s open palm.

 

He squinted one eye, took aim and sprinted towards Will.

 

“Woah… woah.. what are you….” Will started to sputter when suddenly Jordan swung his left leg back and sent his sneaker-clad foot flying straight into his already battered sack that he’d been cupping in his hand with a sickening splat.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Will screamed at the top of his lungs before falling immediately silent and motionless.

 

With that one mighty kick, Jordan had managed to achieve what Will had always boasted none of the lads at the MMA gym could do to him – knock him out.

 

Sensing the opportunity to really make sure Will would be gone forever, Jordan quickly ran to the living room and grabbed each of Will’s discarded, crushed up beer cans and scattered them around his lifeless form.

 

He then sprinted to the kitchen and emptied every single can left in the fridge, crunched them up and added them to the collection. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance. With one click on his phone, Jordan had the perfect image of Will lying passed out surrounded by about 20 empty beer cans.

 

He texted the photo through to his sister “look how drunk your boyfriend got after just 2 hours!” he said. “WTF???” His sister responded, “I’ll be home soon! Never letting that asshole anywhere near you or this house ever again!!”

 

Jordan smiled wickedly and went off to the living room flicking the channel over from the footy to more Family Guy, content in the knowledge nobody would ever believe his sister’s big, dumb, drunk boyfriend.